Showing Up for Myself

Ladan is 32 years old, loves to run and has completed marathons, reads books on psychology, and jumps at any opportunity to help others; she volunteers with UJA packing food for families and stays involved in community work. She describes herself as very introverted, but she cherishes her friends and especially her nieces and nephews, being an auntie is a huge part of who she is. Being a math tutor is one of the biggest parts of her identity. Ladan spoke about living with diabetes, which you can read below.

BTL: How does having diabetes affect your life in an academic and social setting?

L: It’s affected me in every single area of my life. It’s a 24/7 job, because if my blood sugar is high or low, it affects everything I can do. If it’s low, I genuinely cannot function. Whether I’m in a tutoring session or running a race, I have to be hypervigilant at all times. But I’m grateful for it in a way, it’s made me extremely disciplined. It taught me that no one else is going to show up for me the way I show up for myself. It’s helped me with everything in my career and made me independent. It’s a struggle, honestly, a blessing and a curse, but I’m very thankful for it. I’m on a wireless insulin pump now, and my Dexcom tells the pump what my blood sugar is in real time, so it can give me insulin exactly when I need it. The technology has been amazing. I always say: it doesn’t control me, I control it.

BTL: Does this discourage you?

L: Never. In 24 years, I haven’t felt down about it for a single second. It’s hard to run a marathon with diabetes, but I run for charities and I show myself that I can get up and go run. I don’t let it pull me down.

BTL: Have you become adjusted to living with this illness?

L: Yes. Totally.

BTL: How do you feel knowing this is something you’ll have to manage your entire life? Has it become routine for you?

L: Yes, it’s routine for me at this point. It’s totally okay, but I do always think about the future and possible complications. I remind myself that I’ve gone 24 years managing this and nothing serious has come up, so I feel ready to deal with whatever comes.

BTL: Have you ever felt very excluded, or like something wasn’t accessible to you?

L: No.

BTL: Is there anything you wish people knew about this illness that isn’t necessarily shared or spoken about?

L: Yeah. Honestly, it’s a beautiful thing in my opinion. People assume something with so much restriction and negative talk means you can’t do things, but you can eat and do anything, and more. You’re unstoppable with diabetes. There’s nothing you can’t do.

BTL: Do you have a positive mindset around it?

L: Always. It’s a constant mindset for me. My parents raised me to own it, not listen to the noise outside, and just listen to myself. A lot of that comes from my upbringing.

BTL: Is there anything else you’d like to share?

L: There’s a lot of research happening toward a cure. The FDA has been looking at islet cell approaches, stem cells from people who’ve passed away and from people actively living with diabetes have shown promise, cured without needing rejection medication or anything that affects the liver. I feel really hopeful that there’ll be a cure someday. My mom always says you have to hold a certain mindset, manifest a good outlook. Nobody is going to do it for you, you can’t play the victim, because nobody’s going to save you. Don’t ever listen to a naysayer who tells you that you can’t run, have kids, or eat certain things, since when do they know that? These experiences are powerful, you’re going to come across so many naysayers, but your mental discipline is the most important thing you have. Sometimes you just have to pretend you’re listening and keep going. Surround yourself with people who support you.