Living at My Own Pace

Mary Colleta comes from a large, loving Italian family where she is the youngest of four. Currently in her mid-50s, Mary has been working as a lawyer for much of her life. She credits her success to her hardworking parents. She loves drinking wine with a good meal and taking road trips to the North Folk, which relaxes her. Mary has multiple sclerosis, a chronic autoimmune neurological disorder wherein the brain misfires signals to healthy nerves in the body, causing loss of mobility over time. 

BTL: What was your reaction when first diagnosed with MS?

M: When I first heard the diagnosis, I couldn’t really comprehend any of it. I was very shocked and upset, and found it difficult to wrap my head around. It wasn’t until years later that I was able to see how the disease took shape in my body, especially with my walking.

BTL: How has it affected your daily life? 

M: It’s made me more isolated in certain ways. I feel embarrassed to have walking limitations, especially in public when I see other people who can so easily mingle and walk without struggle. That results in me not going out a ton. Especially during COVID, I didn’t want to be around large groups of people, as I was immunocompromised. For context, I get one IV infusion treatment per year, used to help slow the disease progression, relieve pain, and reduce inflammation and relapses of severe flare-ups. That weakens my immunity, which keeps me less social and out and about, something I took for granted when I was younger. I try to make light of it and joke about it rather than making a big deal of it, though.

BTL: It’s interesting that you try to make light of it. Has your mindset shifted over the years?

M: Well, for the first seven years, I was sort of in a remission phase–no symptoms pointed to the fact that I had a disability. It wasn’t obvious in my body, so my mind didn’t really change either. Since MS is a progressive disease, in the past 15 years, I felt that the MS took form. I know things won’t get better over time, but I’m grateful for them not getting worse so quickly. I try to set low expectations and live life guided by gratitude. 

BTL: What measures do you take now to support yourself?

M: I love exercising–working out makes me feel good about myself. Especially since my muscles get stiff, it feels like a nice relief when I can do it. Most of the time, I’m quite limited in walking around–my pace isn’t the same as it once was. In my office, I used to take the stairs, but now since I can’t, I take the elevator, which I used to take for granted. But you can’t dwell on the things you cannot do, you have to transform that into how can I make things adaptable for me with my limitations?

BTL: That’s a meaningful shift you’ve made to your mindset. Can you share anything else regarding how you keep a positive mindset?

M: I just try to be more present in the moment and observe things and take in and appreciate the world around me, even just a small bird. People do tend to listen and care, so I feel heard. I acknowledge that I’m not superwoman, but I try to do what I can and find ways to look beyond my flaws. 

BTL: Is there anything else you would like to share that we didn’t touch upon? 

M: Yeah, in my life I’d like to branch out more and become more multidimensional rather than just working–I’d like to take up something like quilting. I want to try to be a better sister and wife. There’s always somebody with something, even if it is not obvious to the naked eye. But everyone has something they struggle with, but I try to let go of pride, ego, and shame, and I encourage others to do the same.