The Gift of Being a Sister

Eva Wiseman is a third-year student at Millburn Highschool in New Jersey. She is 17 years old and was born and raised in New Jersey. She loves spending time with her friends and family and playing soccer. Eva has an older brother with autism that lives at home with her and her family; she and her brother have a very close relationship. Eva spoke about her relationship with her brother, Alex, which you can read below. 

BTL: Do you feel comfortable talking about your older brother’s autism? Do you wish to talk about it? 

E: I am very comfortable sharing about it. If the topic is brought up, I do not feel shy talking about it; however I will not randomly bring it up. 

BTL: Have there ever been times where you feel you weren’t in a safe space to discuss it openly? 

E: It’s not that I’ve felt unsafe talking about it, I just do not think people share the same mindset as I do; however, that makes sense considering my family experience growing up. The only time I truly feel uncomfortable is when people joke about others having special needs. Sometimes people will make jokes and laugh about it without knowing that my older brother has special needs, and that feels hurtful. 

BTL: That makes sense. Do you feel like this is something very relevant in your life? Or does it feel as if this is a small aspect compared to other elements of your life? 

E: Alex is a big part of my life, thus it does feel very relevant. It does not feel like a separate aspect because he lives at home with me, so I see and spend time with him everyday. Once I go to college, I will still remain very close with him. Our relationship isn’t something that’s going to go away when we are not physically with one another–it’s very strong and I’m grateful for that.

BTL: Even though you are younger than him, do you feel compelled to support him in a way that is likely different from the usual relationship between a younger sibling and an older sibling?  

E: Yes, I definitely do. Once Blake and I are older, it will be our responsibility of looking after him. 

BTL: That is a very big responsibility to take on, and probably something most younger siblings don’t experience. Have you felt that sense of obligation throughout your life or is it something that will show up only once you’re older? 

E: Yeah, this does not come as a surprise to me. My whole life I have had to model good behavior as a younger sister. Likely, not a lot of younger siblings are role models to their older sibling, but Alex and I have more of a symbiotic relationship where we both look up to each other. Instead of that dynamic going one way toward the older sibling, we are mutually role models.

BTL: Can you expand upon that? 

E: I try to be very patient with him. He’s quite sensitive to others being upset, so I attempt to act my best when I am around him. If I complain or show signs of an outburst of anger, that can cause him stress and anger. I try to suppress these emotions as best as I can in order to make things easier for him. As his sister, I want to make him as comfortable as I can and not contribute to any unnecessary distress. Sometimes that means not complaining as much; however, it does not feel like a constraint. If I’m able to do that small act and support him, then I am more than happy to do so. 

BTL: It sounds like you are very protective, which is wonderful to have in any sibling relationship. How do you feel your dynamic differs between you and Alex versus that between you and your other older brother? 

E: Our dynamic is very different from other sibling dynamics because Alex is my oldest sibling yet I am modeling good behavior. I look up to my other brother, Blake, in a different way than I look up to Alex. My dynamic with Blake mirrors more of a stereotypical younger/older sibling dynamic; however, my relationship with Alex is something I would never trade. The balance between these relationships is very special to me and has shaped who I am today.